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British Jokes And Humor - 3

This is page 3 of British jokes and humor.

Did you hear about the man with cooking oil stains on his jacket?
He had a chip on his shoulder.

Why don't lobsters share things?
They're shellfish.

What do you get if an elephant sits on your best friend?
A flat mate.

'Why are you so angry?'
'Because it's all the rage.'

Would you rather have a Steinway or a Henway?
What's a Henway?
About a pound and a half.

Once there was a King who was loved by all of his subjects, especially because of the hunting excursions he shared with them. As will happen, one day he died and his eldest son took the throne. Now this new king was an animal-lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all forms of hunting and fishing. His subjects accepted this for only a short time before they ousted him. This is a truly significant event, because it's the first time a reign was called off on account of the game.

A man in the Australian outback is taken ill and is taken in by the Sisters of Mercy, to revive and grow well. Their finest medicine, oddly enough, is their tea. When the man is ready to leave, he asks how they make it. They explain it is taken from their own special bush out back, the "Mercy Tea" bush. "Do you strain it?" he asks. "No," they tell him, "the Koala bear planted the bush, and the Koala tea of mercy is not strained."

Several years ago I came up with the idea of writing a play about the movement to eliminate pay toilets. I've been sitting on the idea for a number of years, but I feel I can stall no longer.

Did you hear about the fight in the lion house at the zoo?
A lion called another a cheetah. Personally, I think he was lion.

When I fly on a jet, my ears pop a lot it's an earry feeling.

A Randomly Selected Joke
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
You can find more like this in the Humorous Insults category