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Jokes About Animals - 2

This is page 2 of jokes and humor about animals.

Why does a stork stand on one leg?
Because if it lifted the other one as well, it would fall over.

What does a dog get when it graduates from dog school?
A pedigree.

Why do dogs meditate?
They like to paws for thought.

What has feathers and grumbles all the time?
Moody Woodpecker.

Where did Noah keep the bees?
In the ark hives.

Did you hear about the animal hotel that has exclusive accommodation for squirrels?
It's called The Nutcracker Suite.

The three bears sit down at the breakfast table. Baby bear says, "who's been eating my porridge?"
Daddy bear says, "who's been eating my porridge?"
And mommy bear screams, "do we have to go through this every single morning? I haven't made the porridge yet."

Have you ever notice that when the doorbell rings, the dog's the first one to the door, but it's never for him?

There was a farmer who rebuilt an old barn on his property. He kept the cows, pigs, chickens and the plowhorse in that barn. But the birds were so used to using that barn as a nesting place that they kept devilin' the poor old horse. The farmer went to the mayor (who was also a baker) for help in exterminating the birds. The mayor told him to sprinkle yeast on the barn floor, which the farmer did. Lo and behold---it worked! The next day, the farmer went back to the mayor and asked how it was possible. The mayor said, "Easy. Yeast is yeast and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet."

There were these three wildebeests out in the desert: a Papa wildebeest, a Mama wildebeest, and a baby wildebeest. They're travelling along, trying to get home, but they get lost and are trying to find their way out of the desert. The sun beats down and it gets hotter and hotter. The poor wildebeests get thirstier and weaker. Finally, the Papa wildebeest collapses from the heat and dies. The Mama and baby continue, but soon the Mama wildebeest also collapses and dies. The baby struggles on for a while, but he, too, is finally overcome and dies.
That's the end of the gnus. Now, for the weather!

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A Randomly Selected Joke

A man in his 40's bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 90 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a Merecedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 100, 110.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

You can find more like this in the Car Driving category