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Christmas Jokes And Humor - 3

This is page 3 of our collection of funny Christmas jokes and humorous stories.

Ma and Pa always made a great ritual out of dinner - Ma brought out her freshly baked loaves of home-made bread, and Pa would carefully carve them into regular, even slices. Every night, the family would sit around the table nodding with approval as Pa displayed his skill with the knife, barely leaving a crumb as he divided up the loaves. As the years went by, the kids would all chip in and buy Pa a new knife every few Christmases. Each time, they got him a larger, sharper, better knife. Pa could put a couple of loaves side-by-side and with one pass of his knife, create several even slices of Ma's bread. Finally, one Christmas, the kids really outdid themselves. They got Pa such a fine knife that tears sprang to his eyes as he opened the package.
Holding it aloft, he reverently exclaimed, "I never thought that I'd own a four-loaf cleaver!"

One Christmas, a camping supplies store was having a sale and the assistant manager suggested the following advertising slogan - "Now is the winter offer-discount tents."

What did the big Christmas cracker say to the little Christmas cracker?
My pop's bigger than your pop.

What's your father getting for Christmas?
Bald and fat.

Teacher: Who can tell me where Turkey is?
Pupil: We ate ours last Christmas, Miss.

He's not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.

What do you call a vampire Father Christmas?
Sack-u-la.

Who carries a sack and bites people?
Santa Jaws.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Fanta.
Fanta who?
Fanta Claus.

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A Randomly Selected Joke

Two fonts walked into a bar. The bartender said, "sorry I can't serve you, we don't want your type in here."

You can find more like this in the Bar Jokes category