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Christmas Jokes And Humor

Here are some funny jokes and humor about christmas or xmas as it is often called. This is page 1 of 2

What is the most popular wine at Christmas?
Do I have to eat the Brussels sprouts?

What do you call Santa's little helpers?
Subordinate clauses.

If you receive a parcel of herbs and spices at Christmas time would it be labelled 'Seasons Greetings'?

Why did the boy's grandmother knit him three sock as a Christmas present?
Because he wrote and told her that he had grown an extra foot.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?
Merry Christmas.

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were all riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $100 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?
Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

The Crist family worked at a zoo. Each year they predicted the general luck and overall mood of the year by watching the the gnu. If the gnu's ears were forward, that meant a successful, joyous year was almost certain to happen. But if his ears were laid back flat against his head, it meant that an unlucky or very unhappy year was sure to come. One year it was young Mary's turn to "survey" the animal and come up with the prediction. It was her first time solo, and in her excitement, she forgot to take the key to the cage. She was late in coming to check on the gnu. Well, she saw the wrong ear position and predicted a bad year, when in fact it was quite good.
To explain the error, the local newspaper ran the following headline a year later: MARY CRIST MISSES AN HAPPY GNU'S EAR!

Ma and Pa always made a great ritual out of dinner - Ma brought out her freshly baked loaves of home-made bread, and Pa would carefully carve them into regular, even slices. Every night, the family would sit around the table nodding with approval as Pa displayed his skill with the knife, barely leaving a crumb as he divided up the loaves. As the years went by, the kids would all chip in and buy Pa a new knife every few Christmases. Each time, they got him a larger, sharper, better knife. Pa could put a couple of loaves side-by-side and with one pass of his knife, create several even slices of Ma's bread. Finally, one Christmas, the kids really outdid themselves. They got Pa such a fine knife that tears sprang to his eyes as he opened the package.
Holding it aloft, he reverently exclaimed, "I never thought that I'd own a four-loaf cleaver!"

One Christmas, a camping supplies store was having a sale and the assistant manager suggested the following advertising slogan - "Now is the winter offer-discount tents."

What did the big Christmas cracker say to the little Christmas cracker?
My pop's bigger than your pop.

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