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Jokes About Idiots

Here is our collection of jokes about idiots and the stupid things that they do. This is page 1 of 2

There are 20 jokes in this category.

How do you confuse an idiot workman?
Give him three shovels and tell him to take his pick.

An idiot heard that a fortune could be made by working as a lumberjack in Canada.
So, off he goes. After some weeks, he arrives at a lumberjack-camp and asks the foreman for a job.
Foreman: "Okay sonny, but you'll have to do a test first. If you can chop down 100 trees tomorrow you're hired".
So, next day, the idiot gets his chainsaw and happily saws away all day. However, when trees are counted the idiot only has 98.....
"Oh well" says the foreman, "You'll get another chance tomorrow"
So, next day, same story, 99 trees. "I don't believe this" says the foreman, "A big strong fella like yourself should be able to cut down 200 trees in a day. You know what? You get one more chance, and I'll join you to show you the trick of it".
So, next day, the idiot and the foreman go into the forest. Upon arrival at a nice open spot the foreman puts the chainsaw on the ground, and starts the engine. Says the idiot: "What that! Where's the noise coming from?"

Did you hear about the idiot who tried to iron his curtains?
He fell out of the window.

I can't understand why the critics said that only an idiot would have liked watching that television program. I really enjoyed it.

An idiot was in a tailor shop looking at his new suit in a three-way mirror. The tailor said.."Well, what do you think of it?" "Great, the idiot said, I'll take all three of them."

Two idiots decide to go duck hunting so they get up early one morning, and go off to the swamps with their red hats, duck calls, and their trusty hunting dog. Even with all conditions favorable for a good day, by day's end they headed home without a single duck!
The first idiot said "Do you think that maybe the duck calls didn't work?"
The second replied, "No, the duck calls were fine. I don't think we were throwing the dog high enough!"

An idiot took a photograph of his son to the photo store. 'I wonder,' he said, 'could you enlarge this for me?' 'Yes, certainly,' the assistant replied. 'And would it be possible for you to take his hat off for me?' 'Well, I'm sure we could do something. Yes, we could touch it up for you.' 'Oh, that's fine.' 'Tell me,' said the assistant, 'which side does your son part his hair?'
The idiot smiled. 'Oh, come on now. You'll see that when you take his hat off.'

An idiot decorator was painting a house and the owner came home to find the man rushing about like a mad thing with his brushes.
'Why are you working so fast?' he asked.
'Well, you see, sir, the paint's running low and I want to finish the job before it's all gone.'

Did you hear about the idiot skydiver?
He was killed when his snorkel and flippers failed to open.

Did you hear about the idiot who was given a pair of water skis?
He spend the rest of his life looking for a sloping lake.

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