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Jokes And Funny Stories About Lawyers - 3

This is page 3 of jokes and funny stories about lawyers.

At a party, a lawyer was trying to get some free medical advice from a doctor. "Tell me, doctor," he said, "which side is better to lie on?"
The doctor replied, "the side that pays you the biggest retainer."

Whenever a lawyer is involved, where there's a will there's a delay.

Lawyers believe that the best things in life are fees.

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question. The prosecutor again blared, "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

What's the difference between a lawyer and an angry rhinoceros?
The lawyer charges more.

What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid extra for a longer fight.

How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photograph?
Just say "Fees!"

Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they mess up everything forever.

What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.

What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances?
Retired.

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A Randomly Selected Joke

Which mouse was a Roman Emperor?
Julius Cheeser.

You can find more like this in the Mouse Jokes category