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Funny Jokes About Lawyers

This is our collection of funny jokes about those fine up-standing members of society - lawyers and the legal profession. This is page 1 of 4

There are 40 jokes in this category.

The lawyers motto - Where there's a will there's a pay.

Judge: Do you have anything to offer the court before I pass sentence on you?
Prisoner: No, Your Honor. My lawyer has taken all the money I had.

What kind of clothes do lawyers wear?
Lawsuits.

What is a lobster's attorney called?
His clawyer.

The lawyer's motto - Where there's a will there's a pay

After suffering through years of his wife's awful coffee, the man spat it out and took the coffee maker to his lawyer. Dropping the contents of it on the attorney's desk, the man growled, "Here they are!" "Here are what?" the startled lawyer asked.
"Grounds for Divorce."

A famous lawyer died and, unexpectedly, showed up at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter came out to welcome him, and as the Gates opened the lawyer saw a banner which welcomed him, the first 457-year old man. The lawyer was confused. He said to St. Peter, "I don't understand. When I died, I was 63 years old, not 457."
St. Peter was now confused, and said, "Why, you must be 457 years old! We added up all the hours you billed your clients, so you've got to be 457!"

Lawyer: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No, I did not.
Lawyer: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a lot better than the penalty for murder.

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far."
So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo! Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).
15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo!
You're lost!!"
One of the men says, "That must have been a lawyer."
Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"
The reply: "For three reasons.
(1) he took a long time to answer,
(2) he was absolutely correct, and
(3) his answer was absolutely useless."

A young boy walked up to his father and asked, "Dad? Does a lawyer ever tell the truth?" The Father thought for a moment. "Yes Son," he replied, "Sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case."

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A Randomly Selected Joke

A lawyer applied to the court for a re-trial after his client had been found guilty. "I've discovered some important nes evidence which affects this case." "And what is the nature of this new evidence?" asked the judge.
"Well," said the lawyer, "this morning I found out that my client still has $5,000 in his bank account."

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