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Jokes And Humor About Marriage - 2

This is page 2 of jokes and humor about marriage and married life.

In the good old days, husbands used to come home from work, and say, "What's cooking?"
Now they say: "What's thawing?"

A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

One Cup Final day a massive group of football supporters is approaching Wembley Stadium when a funeral procession slowly goes past. Seeing this, one bloke takes his hat off and stands motionless for a moment before walking on. "That was a nice thing to do," said the man next to him.
"Well," said the bloke, "she was a good wife to me."

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said; "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was 90.

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said. "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again.
The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. "I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby."

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries, "Watch out for the wall!"

When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"

One day a woman went to a greengrocers and began anxiously looking over the produce. "Can I help you madam?" asked the shopkeeper. "Yes, I was looking for some fruit," replied the woman, "Have these oranges been treated with any poisonous fertilizers or weedkillers?"
"No, you'll have to get them from the pharmacy."

When we got married I told my wife I wanted to set the world on fire. After three years of being married to her I wanted to set myself on fire.

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