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Funny Jokes and Humor About Marriage

Here is our collection of funny jokes and humor about getting married, marriage and married life. This is page 1 of 3

There are 23 jokes in this category.

A disconsolate father sat watching as his daughter tried on one wedding dress after another, each one more expensive than the last. "I don't mind giving her away." he muttered to his wife. "But do I have to gift wrap her as well?"

A man who had just bought a four-seater aircraft invited a friend to join him and his wife on its initial flight. As soon as they were in the air, the owner, beaming, turned to his friend. "What I really enjoy about traveling this way," he said, "is the absolute sense of freedom it gives you. No worry about jaywalkers, no lights, no traffic jams. And best of all," he added with a wry smile, "no back-seat driving."
Suddenly his wife, who was sitting in the rear and peering out of the window, screamed, "SAM! For heaven's sake, watch out for those birds!"

A wife is like computer ...
after you marry her you find out that:
1) it costs much more than you thought.
2) she is not doing what you thought she would.
3) after a period of time, it is impossible without her.
4) after you have got used to her and found out that you can't do without her, you realize that one is not enough ...

My notion of a wife at forty is that a man should be able to change her, like a bank note, for two twenties.

Wife: Shall I give that tramp one of thse cakes that I just baked?
Husband: Why, what harm has he ever done us?

In the good old days, husbands used to come home from work, and say, "What's cooking?"
Now they say: "What's thawing?"

A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

One Cup Final day a massive group of football supporters is approaching Wembley Stadium when a funeral procession slowly goes past. Seeing this, one bloke takes his hat off and stands motionless for a moment before walking on. "That was a nice thing to do," said the man next to him.
"Well," said the bloke, "she was a good wife to me."

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea."
The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."

A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof - the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said; "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me."
So the the fairy picked up her wand and poof - the husband was 90.

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