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Jokes About Family Pets

Here is our collection of jokes about family pets.

There are 11 jokes in this category.

Mike: Excuse me, officer, I've lost my dog. What should I do about it?
Policeman: If you come back tomorrow, we might have a lead on it by then.

I just got two pet dogs and I named them Rolex and Timex - they're watch dogs.

What noise does you pet cat make going down the motorway?
Meeeeeeoooooowwwwww.

My dog is a nuisance. He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do?
Take his bike away.

Your pit bull just chased the postman down the road on his bike.
You must be mistaken my dog hasn't got a bike.

A man takes his Great Dane to the vet. "My dog's cross eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

Customer: Could I have a puppy for my son please?
Pet Shop Assistant: Sorry sir, we don't do swops.

I call my pet dog locksmith because every time I open the door he makes a bolt for it.

A man goes to a pet shop and buys a parrot. Every morning he stands in front of the cage and asks in a pleasant voice "Can you talk?" This goes on for weeks with absolutely no response from the bird. Finally one morning, totally fed up, he shouts "CAN YOU TALK, YOU STUPID CREATURE? CAN YOU TALK?" The bird looks him in the eye and says "I can talk, all right. Can you fly?"

That's a fantastic bulldog you've got there.
He's not a bulldog - he was chasing a cat and ran into a wall.

A Randomly Selected Joke

He's always sharpening his sleeping skills.

You can find more like this in the Humorous Insults category