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Miscellaneous Jokes - 2

This is page 2 of miscellaneous jokes and funny stories.

Where does satisfaction come from?
A satisfactory.

Naval Recruitment Officer: Can you swim?
Recruit: Why, have you run out of ships?

What do you call a judge who has no fingers?
Justice Thumbs.

Did you know production costs in the dairy business are high?
A lot of expenses are in curd.

Because of a dense fog, a Mississippi steamboat had to stop at the mouth of the river. A woman passenger demanded to know the cause of the delay. "Can't see up the river," the harassed captain replied. "Fog's too thick."
"But I can see the stars overhead," the woman said.
"Yes," the captain growled, "but unless the boilers explode, we're not going that way."

Human Cannonball: "That does it, I quit!"
Circus Manager: "But where will I ever find another man of your caliber?"

The airliner was accelerating down the runway for take off when it suddenly slowed down and turned back towards the terminal. It was two hours before it finally took off. A worried passenger asked a stewardess what had caused the delay.
She replied, "oh there's nothing to worry about. When we were about to take off the pilot heard one of the engines making a strange noise so he decided to return to the terminal. It took us a bit of time to find another pilot."

STAMP OUT CAPITALISM - use only lower case

That Private Williams is a fine shot with a rifle," observed the sergeant. "Yes," said the lieutenant, "but I wonder what was his occupation before he joined the army." "Why is that, sir?"
"It's the way he takes out his handkerchief and wipes his fingerprints off the gun every time he takes a shot."

When the powerful king found his throne missing, the next day, he ordered HIS army to kidnap the other king's count and force him to tell where the throne was being hidden. The session went as follows:
King: Where is the throne?
Count: I cannot tell you.
King: Then I will have you killed!
Executioner, cut off his head!Ok! I will tell you!
THWACK!!!
Moral: don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.

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A Randomly Selected Joke

Which famous author wrote about fruit?
William Shakes-pear.

You can find more like this in the Miscellaneous Jokes category