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Funny Scottish Jokes and Humor - 2

This is page 2 of funny Scottish jokes and humor. Don't forget that St Andrew's Day is on the 30th of November.

What do you call a Scottish parrot?
A macaw.

Did you hear about the shark that lives in Loch Ness?
It's called Loch Jaws.

A little Scottish boy ran into the house and said to his father, "I've just saved twenty pence by running home from school behind the bus."
His father replied, "that's good but you could have saved £2 by running home behind a taxi."

Hamish was travelling by train from Edinburgh to London so he went to the train station and handed over money for his ticket. The ticket clerk handed over the ticket and said, "by the way, change at York."
"I'll have mine now, if you don't mind," said Hamish.

Last night there was a big argument in a Glasgow cinema. Two men were trying to get in using one ticket - they said they half-brothers.

Have you heard about the Scotsman who gave a present of fifty pounds each to an Englishman, an Irishman and a Welshman?
Nor has anyone else.

Did you hear about the man who gave up making haggis?
He didn't have the guts for it anymore.

A Scots woman goes in a dry cleaning shop and says to the shop owner, "Can I sit down for a wee while, I have a bairn."
The posh shop owner replies, "I'm sorry, we don't repair scorched clothing."

What did one highland cow say to the other?
Och, aye the moo!

John McDougal heard about a doctor who charged ten pounds for the first consultation but only three pounds for every subsequent visit. So he walked into the doctor's surgery and announced, 'Here I am again, doctor.'
'Just keep up the treatment I prescribed last time,' said the doctor, who was also a Scotsman.

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A Randomly Selected Joke

How do you get your children to take a bath?
Tell them it's practice for the pool.
The next day how do you get them out of the pool?
Throw in a bar of soap!

You can find more like this in the Jokes About Children category