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Scottish Jokes And Funny Stories - 5

This is page 5 of Scottish Jokes And Funny Stories.

Did you hear about the Scotsman who married a girl born on the 29th of February?
He had to buy her a birthday present only once every four years.

Did you hear about the Scottish baker who tried to save money by making a bigger hole in his doughnuts.
He discovered that the bigger the hole he made, the more dough it took to go round it.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were each left £10,000 by a rich man on condition that after his death each put £100 pounds in his coffin in case he needed it in the afterlife.
The Englishman put in 100 pounds, the Irishman put in 100 pounds and the Scotsman took out the two hundred pounds and put in a cheque for three hundred.

Jock was once run over by a brewery lorry.
It was the first time in his life that the drinks were on him.

Did you hear about the Scotsman whose horse swallowed a fifty pence piece?
He's been riding backwards every since.

"And exactly what made you suspect that these two men were drunk, officer?" a Glasgow judge asked a policeman in court.
"Well, Your Honour," said the policeman, "Jock was throwing five pound notes away and Hamish was picking them up and handing them back to him."

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A Randomly Selected Joke

an idiot was picked up by the police on an assault charge. He was placed in an identity lineup with ten other men and the accusing woman was escorted into the room.
The idiot jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her! I'd recognize her anywhere!"

You can find more like this in the Police category